What you do and don't do when, as a loving parent, you are confronted with a severe case of PAS in your child
- DO avoid PA to begin with by having oparenting orders in place with pickup and dropp off at the child's school..say get the child Friday afternoon at school and return the child to school at the start of school on Monday. I the other parent doesn;t take them to school those Fridays, get the school attendance records and show them to the jusge and ask for "make up time" and for you to be in charge of the child's education and that all normal school time be ordered by the court to be your parenting time. That may even mean you don't pay child support since all time in nschool will put you over the threshold to pay child support.
- DO ask the court to order that the parent having the child deliver the child to the other parent at chnage over in parenting time to lessen the effect of being trweated as a "visitor " to your own child. The Canadian Children's Rights Council has argued that in court many times and won it always. If chnage over time is 6pm on vevery other Friday night, the parent with the child can deliver the child to the other parent's residence. Thye nnever know how many witnesses may be waiting if they don't show up or are late
- DO, if you are ordered to pickup the child, take a witness, if possbile, to avoid false allegations of crimes, and buy gas 5 minutes before pickup time from a gas station right near the other parent's pickup home and get a receipt with then location, date, time etc. We recommended that to a father and the judge loved the evidence that he was there and on time when the mohter drove off before the parenting time to avoid it.
- DO keep a diary of all events, details of everything. Judges love diaries for witrnesses. Thjat's why police offer's make diaries...to refresh ther memories on the stand.
- DO...demand immediate action by the court to STOP the abuse of your child. Remind the court in the strongest terms possible that your child's life, mental health and his or her continued on-going relationship with you is at stake...AND that if they don't intervene immediately the chances of ever saving your child and your relationship together will be ZERO.
- DO...start to immediately to educate yourself. Ask your lawyer which specific remedies ( actions ) can be ordered by the court, such as giving you much more or exclusive parenting time to deprogram the child through normal parebnting by you or with the assistance of an expert.
- DO...fully prepare your your court presentation ( affidavit in support of your motion or trial ) about PA, BUT GIVE THE BEHAVIOURS GOING ON and events, AND DON'T USE the words "Parental Alienation". The judge will evaluate the evidence of what the behaviours and evidence conclude. Parental Alienation is a conclusion, or diagnosis. Judges hear the term all the time and you want to just show the evidence of what is going on.
- DO...tell the court if they don't act immediately to stop your child's abuse, you will take your PAS case and all the proof and evidence you provided the court on your child's PAS condition to the local newspapers and T.V. stations...AND... you will post your case and judges name on all the PAS internet web sites for the whole world to see how derelict the Court was in not carrying out its responsibility to protect your child from your former spouses severe emotional abuse and the permanent destruction of you and your child's relationship together.
- DO...trust your own instincts as a parent to do what is in the best interests of your child when confronted with this PA problem...AND...if the court won't protect your child's interests, then you will protect his/her interests yourself. This you will do by public exposure of your case to the media until the court does protect your child's interests as the law requires them to do. It may take a long time but you must never ever give up the fight.
- DO.. ask the your lawyer, and/or judge, if you are a self represented litigant, and over 50% are, what specific remedies, orders, can be made to stop the damage being done by the other parent to your child after listing then evidence.
- DO...continue to reach out to your PAS affected child no matter how many times they tell you how much they hate you and never want to see you again. While they may say these things to you, the fact is they really don't hate you and actually yearn desperately to see you again, but those feelings are not allowed any expression by the abusing parent.
- DO...keep your faith in God and yourself at all times while always taking the high road to fight and solve this problem.
- DO...audio record all parenting time with the child BEFORE YOU EXPERIENCE PA, so that you can prove later, possibly to the child when older, that you didn't do what the child was told and that they themselves can judge. These can be invaluable when the child turns into an adult. It also may be used with court oppopinted family foordinators or experts
- DON'T...trust or count on ANYONE to know anything about PA or to try and help you save your
child and your relationship together. Almost all lawyers, judges, psychologists and
family coordinators who are involved in your case know your case will likely end when you run out of money to pay the lawyers and experts on PA. Only those with hundred of thousands of dollars can afford the treatment ordered by courts.
, if they order it at all. The lawyers fees up to trial, the trial costs and experts can cost hundreds of thousands of dollars. Some programs ordered by judges in Canada can cost $24,000 just to start and $6,000 a month for the therapy.
, for a long time. Normally during such times after trial, the alienating parent is ordered to pay and if they can't they may never see the child again. Courts usually place the child exclusively with the parent victim.
The Canadian Children's Rights Council followed a case in which the mother committed minor domestic violence and the teen daughter took on her mother's adult issues. The case ended up with the mother being self represented against one of Canada's top lawyers. The court awarded costs of $687,000 plus $24,000 for the start costs of therapy bankrupted the mother who then didn't have the $5,000 a month to pay for the therapy ordered by the court...so no parenting time in the future. The court temporarily suspended the parenting time for the mother..that's permanent ..since the mother would have to hire a really expert lawyer pay $100,000 and then fight to convince the court that she should be in the child's life since she hadn't been for a year. Judges only make such orderes temporarily to avoid appeals but in reality they often last forever.
- DON'T...trust or pay for expensive "consultants" or "experts" with large amounts in advance. Pay as you go, usually in advance. count on ANYONE to properly educate themselves on PA. This is particularly true about your former spouse, Family Court Judges and Court appointed psychologists. You must do all this research and education about PA yourself to pass on to all the people involved in your case.
- DON'T...allow the Court or anyone else to intimidate you. You will be challenged at every turn and told you don't know what you are talking about when you mention PA.
- DON'T...allow the Court or anyone else to delay or prolong your Court hearing on this matter.
The longer this PA child abuse goes on with your child, the more difficult it will be for you to do anything to
stop it...AND...If it goes on for too long without court intervention (ie. 6 months or more) then your
chances of ever re-establishing a normal healthy relationship with your child will start to approach ZERO.
- DON'T...engage in any kind of retaliatory brainwashing PA abuse of your child yourself. The
temptation is always there to fight fire with fire when you are being attacked and maligned by your
former spouse, BUT DON'T EVER DO IT. REMEMBER what I said before. Always take the
high moral ground for your child and if you want to get angry and verbally attack someone, get angry and attack the people who
are doing this to your child. Never get angry at your child for how he/she is behaving or in any other way
do anything to further hurt your child. You must be able to walk a fine line always trusting in yourself
and your God to see and fight this thing through for the ultimate best interests of your child and
- DON'T...ever GIVE UP no matter how many well meaning and/or not so well meaning people tell you to do so. You will constantly hear people tell you that you should merely give up the fight to save your child from PAS and wait until they grow up and find out for themselves how badly they were abused by your former spouse and the court. This would be the same as letting your child drown until they learned how to swim themselves. You have a solemn duty to protect your children and thus you cannot ever shirk from that duty.
TV Show about Parental Alienation
November 7, 2009
The world of divorce is scary for any child. But when a divorce becomes especially toxic, children can become the target of an unrelenting crusade by one parent to destroy the child's relationship with the other. Experts call it parental alienation.
The New York Times, New York city, U.S.A. August 8, 2004
Not too long ago, Jacqueline Scott Sheid was a pretty typical Upper East Side mother. Divorced and with a young daughter, she had quickly remarried, borne a son, and interrupted her career to stay home with the children while her husband, Xavier Sheid, worked on Wall Street.
Early last year, Mr. Sheid lost his job and saw his only career opportunity in California. But Ms. Sheid's ex-husband, who shares joint legal custody of their daughter, refused to allow the girl to move away. So Ms. Sheid has spent much of the last year using JetBlue to shuttle between her son and husband on the West Coast and her daughter (and ex) on the East.
The New York court system, which she hoped would help her family to resolve the problem, has cost her tens of thousands of dollars in fees for court-appointed experts, she said, and has helped to prolong the process by objecting to her choice of lawyers.
PA News (U.K.), July 3, 2004
A key court decision to grant a father custody of his daughters after the mother flouted contact orders for four years was today welcomed by campaigners.
Fathers 4 Justice said that the High Court ruling was a vital victory and called for more judges to take a similar stance when faced with resistant parents.
The comments come after Mrs Justice Bracewell transferred the residence of two young girls to their father because the mother persistently refused him contact, despite court orders. Read More ..