Fatherless Children - Fatherhood

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May 23, 2001 | Acton Commentary

Transforming the Culture of Fatherlessness

by Rev. Robert A. Sirico, Acton President

With President Bush and members of Congress focusing on the debate over whether faith-based charities can receive public funding, it is important not to lose sight of the causes of poverty. Increasingly apparent of late is how the absence of fathers from families, combined with changed attitudes about fatherhood, have contributed to the cultural atmosphere in which the welfare state "remedy" is advanced. What Pope John Paul II wrote nearly 20 years ago in Familiaris Consortio has become ever more timely: "efforts must be made to restore socially the conviction that the place and task of the father in and for the family is of unique and irreplaceable importance." (#25)

The contrary notion that the father is replaceable has, in recent decades, gained currency among elites of the West. David Blankenhorn showed in his influential book, Fatherless America, that we no longer have a "cultural script" for fatherhood. Imperilled is the idea of the father as a necessary male parent who gives of himself for others in distinctive ways. We have moved toward a new view of men and women as interchangeable wage-earners and caregivers, chiefly interested not in their children's welfare but in their own "self-fulfillment." The practical result of this new view has not been that men and women have been rendered co-equal parents but, rather, that men as fathers have been rendered superfluous.

When a society loses its cultural script for fathers, it marginalizes them and, in doing so, undermines its ability to socialize men. Nature teaches and history confirms that unsocialized men easily turn unsociable, even antisocial. Responsible fatherhood is, to paraphrase Lord Acton, a delicate fruit of civilization. A delicate fruit must be handled with care, lest it spoil. We must realize that responsible fatherhood is in danger of being displaced, to the detriment of family and society, both now and into the future.

In a culture that conveys messages to men that they are not needed in distinctive roles of father and husband, many men leave their families or refuse to form families when they beget children. Gone are most vestiges of traditional stigmas once associated with divorce and out-of-wedlock births. We have forfeited much of the traditional wisdom that relates child welfare to intact two-parent families.

Fortunately, that traditional wisdom is now being supported by impressive social-scientific research. In the United States, statistics that reveal the declining well-being of children chiefly point to two related causal factors: (1) the dramatic increase in the proportion of children growing up in fatherless households, and (2) the rise of the modern welfare state.

According to a Harvard University study, the number of children in the U.S. living without fathers rose from nine million in 1960 to 24 million today. Estimates from the U.S.

Department of Health and Human Services indicate that as many as 60 percent of U.S. children currently live without their biological father. This fatherlessness has devastating consequences for children. Nearly 75 percent of children in single-parent households will suffer poverty before age 11, compared with 20 percent of children from intact families, according to the Journal of Marriage and Family. The percentage of U.S. children growing up in poor families is higher today than when President Johnson declared a "war on poverty" in 1966.

Data show compellingly how children who grow up without fathers are more likely to fail in school or drop out, develop behavioral or emotional problems requiring treatment, abuse drugs and alcohol, and become sexually active. Further, the absence of fathers has been shown greatly to increase violence perpetrated by the young, including rape, murder, and suicide. Fatherless children are also more frequently the victims of child abuse and neglect.

There are many reasons for an increase in fatherlessness in the U.S. and the West. The revolutions in sexual more ..in the 1960s, coupled with extreme forms of feminism, tended toward the separation of childbearing from marriage. The entertainment industry has gone from portraying fathers overwhelmingly as wise heads of households to showing them as buffoons or non-entities. Yet the influence of these factors on fatherlessness pales compared with the influence of the welfare state.

Among communities dominated by the welfare system, fatherlessness is rampant. Today, fully 90 percent of U.S. families receiving cash welfare from government are without a father in the home.

The very sociology of public welfare entails disincentives to intact families. Welfare programs address primarily or exclusively the material needs of people, most often of women and their children. When women and children are provided for by the state, a traditional and natural role for a father is usurped, undermining a mans sense of place in the family. Women, too, may judge the state to be of a more reliable supporter than a husband and opt out of marriage altogether. Both of these possibilities are indeed actualized under a regime of public welfare. In addition, welfare policies undermine two-parent families and encourage out-of-wedlock births in a host of other ways. To take but two examples: per-child benefit adjustments alter the mix of variables affecting an unmarried woman's decision to conceive additional children, and low-income men are given incentives to leave their families when benefits packages favor single-parent households.

Fatherlessness, whether brought on by failure to marry or by divorce, is socially, spiritually, and economically damaging among all socioeconomic groups. We now know from studies that unmarried men earn less money than do their married counterparts. This makes sense intuitively as well: marriage both reflects and fosters responsibility, devotion, hard work, and other attributes attractive to employers. Such attributes, passed on from fathers to children, also nurture success in school and in social relationships, and strengthen children's future career prospects. Research confirms that what is needed to achieve these desired social effects is married men who live with their children permanently.

The above observations warrant additional consideration. The institutions of marriage and family promote responsibility among men, who in turn instil values of responsibility in their children. The institutions of marriage and family are then schools of virtue, the most basic of what Edmund Burke called the "little platoons" of civil society. Fathers are essential to these platoons, and not simply to provide bread for the table. Fathers are key to transmitting values and skills to the next generation, especially to the next generation of men who will themselves be fathers. These skills and values, necessary for perpetuating civilization, are connected also with economic productivity and abundance. The role of the father reveals in a special way how, as John Paul has written, "besides the earth, mans principal resource is man himself" (Centesimus Annus, #32). Resources must be stewarded, and in the case of human resources, they must be developed as well.

First and foremost, this development takes place in the family.

It is incumbent upon countries of the West experiencing crises of fatherhood to rethink their attachment to the welfare state. Concretely, countries must reform existing programs not only to eliminate disincentives to intact families, but also positively to promote intact families. Although imperative, this will not be easy; public welfare by its nature inhibits genuine concern for its clients.

Yet more important than the political realm in promoting intact families is the cultural realm. In the U.S. today an ecumenical Christian movement fills sports stadiums with men who pledge to devote their lives more fully to God and family. In cities, community-based organizations under the auspices of churches teach fathering skills to yet-unmarried fathers. Conferences on fatherhood that a few years ago attracted handfuls of participants now draw hundreds, including lawmakers and religious leaders. There are many other encouraging signs.

Pope Pius XII wrote, "If the mother is the heart, the father is the head of the family, and consequently its health and efficiency depend on the vigor, the virtues and activity of the father." Even though and perhaps because a nadir of carelessness about fatherhood has been reached in the West today, this profound truth is becoming all the more apparent.

To pray and work diligently that fatherhood may be advanced again in our societies is a worthy endeavor in order to ensure the moral, spiritual and economic well-being of our culture.

Rev. Robert A. Sirico is president of the Acton Institute.


Acton Institute 2003
161 Ottawa NW, Ste. 301  Grand Rapids, MI 49503

Brainwashing Children - Divorce - Family Law

W5 TV Show on Parental Alienation

TV Show about Parental Alienation

W5 investigates: Children on the frontlines of divorce

November 7, 2009

The world of divorce is scary for any child. But when a divorce becomes especially toxic, children can become the target of an unrelenting crusade by one parent to destroy the child's relationship with the other. Experts call it parental alienation.

Parental Alienation

Divorced Parents Move, and Custody Gets Trickier

The New York Times, New York city, U.S.A. August 8, 2004

Not too long ago, Jacqueline Scott Sheid was a pretty typical Upper East Side mother. Divorced and with a young daughter, she had quickly remarried, borne a son, and interrupted her career to stay home with the children while her husband, Xavier Sheid, worked on Wall Street.

Early last year, Mr. Sheid lost his job and saw his only career opportunity in California. But Ms. Sheid's ex-husband, who shares joint legal custody of their daughter, refused to allow the girl to move away. So Ms. Sheid has spent much of the last year using JetBlue to shuttle between her son and husband on the West Coast and her daughter (and ex) on the East.

The New York court system, which she hoped would help her family to resolve the problem, has cost her tens of thousands of dollars in fees for court-appointed experts, she said, and has helped to prolong the process by objecting to her choice of lawyers.  Read More ..

Newsweek

Parenting: Baldwin Speaks Up

NEWSWEEK, U.S.A.
May 7, 2007

Many celebrities would shrink from view after a PR nightmare like Alec Baldwin's leaked voice mail in which he calls his 11-year-old daughter, Ireland, a "rude, thoughtless little pig." But Baldwin wants to use the media scrutiny to give exposure to parental alienation, the controversial "syndrome" caused by one parent's systematically damaging a child's relationship with the other parent. Read More ..

Parental Alienation

Canadian Press

B.C. judge bars mother from seeing daughter

Court orders one-year ban after 'unfounded' abuse allegations made about teenager's father

THE CANADIAN PRESS
March 10, 2009

VANCOUVER - In a case of extreme parental alienation, a mother has been banned by a B.C. Supreme Court judge from seeing her teenage daughter for more than a year.

Because of the urgency of the matter, Justice Donna Martinson issued the terse, two-page ruling outlining 15 conditions the parents must follow, including that the mother, known only as Ms. A, not see her daughter until at least March 31, 2010.

The decision came after the mother alleged extreme emotional abuse by the father, which she claimed was putting the teenager's safety at risk.

"I am satisfied that Ms. A's allegations are unfounded," Martinson wrote.

"I am further satisfied that she has continued to undermine the relationship between M and her father and has acted in ways that are detrimental to M's psychological healing."

Names have been stripped from the court ruling to protect the girl's identity.

The judge has ordered that both the mother and maternal grandmother have no contact with the girl, which would be enforced by police if necessary.

The Globe and Mail

PSYCHOLOGY: MIND GAMES

The family Pandora's Box

Some victims of parental alienation syndrome don't realize until adulthood that one parent turned them against the other

The Globe and Mail
March 24, 2009

After Joe Rabiega's parents divorced, when he was an adolescent, his father repeatedly told him his mother had abandoned him. The boy had to return any gifts that came from his mother's side of the family and, twice daily, he had to pledge his allegiance to his father.

"I was never allowed to have anything to do with her," he says from his home in Raleigh, N.C. "The consequences were dire if I did. He said I would have nobody."

Even though Mr. Rabiega, now 33, had witnessed ugly behaviour by his father toward his mother and knew his dad to be an erratic alcoholic, it wasn't until he sought counselling for personal problems in his early 20s that his past snapped into focus: He had been the victim of parental alienation syndrome - his father had systematically turned him against his mother.

The phenomenon, coined by psychiatrist Richard A. Gardner in 1985, has gained traction recently due to a number of recent high-profile divorce cases in Canada - not to mention the very public case of movie star Alec Baldwin, who accused his former wife, Kim Basinger, of parental alienation.    Read More ..

A GUIDE TO THE PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME

November, 1999

WHAT IS IT?

The Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is the systematic denigration by one parent by the other with the intent of alienating the child against the other parent. The purpose of alienation is usually to gain or retain custody without the involvement of the non-custodial parent (NCP) The alienation usually extends to the NCP's family and friends as well. Though this document is written with the father in mind, it must be clear that there are many cases of PAS where the NCP is the mother, and PAS from the non-custodial mothers' viewpoint will be discussed later.

Dr. Richard Gardner in his book 'The Parental Alienation Syndrome' states (p. 74) "Many of these children proudly state that their decision to reject their fathers is their own.";

They deny any contribution from their mothers. And the mothers often support this vehemently. In fact, the mothers will often state that they want the child to visit with the father and recognise the importance of such involvement, yet such a mothers every act indicates otherwise.

Such children appreciate that, by stating the decision is their own, they assuage mother's guilt and protect her from criticism. Such professions of independent thinking are supported by the mother who will often praise these children for being the kind of people who have minds of their own and are forthright and brave enough to express overtly their opinions.

Frequently, such mothers will exhort their children to tell them the truth regarding whether or not they really want to see their fathers. The child will usually appreciate that "the truth" is the profession that they hate the father and do not want to see him ever again. They thereby provide that answer - couched as "the truth" - which will protect them from their mother's anger if they were to state what they really wanted to do, which is to see their fathers.

It is important for the reader to appreciate that after a period of programming the child may not know what is the truth any Read More ..d come to actually believe that the father deserves the vilification being directed against him. The end point of the brainwashing process has then been achieved.    Read More ..